The Masterplan for Kashmir

Warning: Contains unpatriotic, unreligious, unfanatic and logical reasonings. Might hurt sentiments… 

The first page of TOI on the day after India’s “I-Day” echoes the sentiments and true feelings of the people of Kashmir.

“Tricolour at 8 am, separatists’ flag at 4 pm in Srinagar. Pro-Pak Slogans Ring On I-Day”

How long are we going to ignore this? Shouldnt we come up with a plan to pacify (silence :D) such sentiments? 

Here’s my two paisa solution

Root Cause Analysis

1. What do people of Kashmir want?
2. Why does Pakistan want Kashmir? What happens to Pakistan if it gets Kashmir?
3. Why does India want Kashmir? What happens to India if it gives Kashmir to Paskistan?

What do people of Kashmir want?

1. Freedom - Of what? Religion, speech, trade & peace. Basically they want to live a normal life. 
2. They dont give a damn whether they are called Indians or Pakistanis.

Why does Pakistan want Kashmir?

As the dead doctor in I,Robot puts it - “That, detective, is the right question”.

Who runs Pakistan’s Kashmir policy? 

This awesomely biased report (yepp written by an Indian) says: 

“The military high command and the military’s intelligence agency, the Inter-Services Intelligence Directorate, dominate policy on Kashmir. The civil bureaucracy, represented by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, is primarily responsible for implementing Kashmir policy at the diplomatic level?..In the event of any difference between civil and military bureaucracies over the direction or execution of foreign policy, the military and ISI points of  view are likely to prevail”

Gist: Military, military, military.

Pakistan has a six decade history of being stable only under military rule. 

Why?

Coz the military promises to keep the invaders from the north-west at bay (thats us, Indians).

Cost of conflict

The costs are high and unaffordable. From 1995 to 1997 “public expenditure on education was 2.7 percent of GDP while defence expenditure averaged 5.2 percent. In 1998 defence expenditure accounted for 4.8 percent of GDP, public expenditure on health only 0.9 percent.”

The military justifies its spending on the sole fact that indians are waiting to grab Kashmir and will later on try to get whole of Pakistan. (I know.. bullshit.. who wants a desert, even if its free :P. But we still want to keep Kashmir for no possible gain. So I can understand the pakistani fear).

In turn, this military extravaganza actually helps the civilians. The military is responsible for all of the infrastuctural development of the country. They sustain the growth of the nation. So for Pakistan to sustain as a developing nation, it needs the military and the military needs the Kashmir issue.

What happens to Pakistan if it gets Kashmir?

If some day, magically, Kashmir disappears or is given to them, the military will run out of reasons for the huge spendings. People will start to revolt against the military rulers and democracy might come into place.

But Pakistan is not as developed as even India (not complimenting India :P ) so its going to be a big struggle to avert becoming a failed state.

So in the interest of growth of the country, they should crave for Kashmir, but not actually get it.

Hmm… interesting.

Why does India want Kashmir?

Coz the indian map would look like a headless torso if we give up Kashmir. 

With the PoK removed officially from the map, we already look pretty brainless :D .

Some people would say Kashmir has a rich heritage and the cottage industry products of Kashmir can be exported. So its economically important to India. I am not one of them.

Ok, Kashmir grows good apples but the cost of apples within India itself is 50 bucks per apple. I wont mind importing that from “given to Paskistan Kashmir” (GPK :D).

Also they make artistic carpets and shawls. But chinese make the same, and a lot cheaper. 

So Indian people have no need for Kashmir. 

Politically we still need it. If Cong gives up Kashmir today, opposition will definitely bring them down. 

Now for the Master Plan

India should give up the whole of Kashmir to Pakistan. (preferable 6-7 months before Pakistan’s national budget).

India gets awesome laurels from rest of the world.

Pakistan rejoices (if only for a few months).

Pakistan presents its national budget to its people. Ofcourse it has the same or more military spending.

Pakistani people revolt. Bring down the military dictator (the next dude after Pervez) and set up a democratic government with nominal military spending.

The democratic government struggles hard to set up infrastructure in the absence of any military help and of course they fail.

Then Pakistan breaks down into regional pieces. And Kashmir would be one of them.

We swoop in and do what we are best at. Bribe the tribal leader  :D of Kashmir piece. He announces to the world that he wants Kashmir piece to be with India. And ola we are back with the head and the brain and we successfully removed the pain in the neck. 

 

Tan tana tan. }:)

~ by Raju Gurusamy on September 3, 2008.